17 Weeks, 2 Days Pregnant: The Birth Training

It's starting to come together more and more - the whole thing. I love how the Universe and Medicine show me things. I'm not the girl who has an angel talking in her ear, or a vision blast at every turn, or the ability to have a quick convo with my spirit guides. They feed everything through my intuition, and of course, dropping things onto my path for me to try out. I'm an experiential learner, and a bit of a rebel as well - and to be honest, having step by step guidance along the way just isn't my style - I want to be involved in the process, not just a follower, but a piece of the puzzle.

So they shift things around. "Outside of ceremony" (if you want to call it that) Medicine guidance comes in the form of dropping hints for me to chew on, feeding info through my intuition (that just "bubbles up" from the bottom up in bursts of clarity/epiphanies, vs. "top-down heady analyzing") and sometimes by backing off and letting me flounder around until I eventually get tired of bitching, stagnating, or spinning - and make a different choice.

So a new validation to the birthing phenomenon dropped in my lap a couple days ago in the form of a Facebook post (I do not deny the "spiritual circulation" on some of these things - I swear there are spirits who run the search engines to make sure people land where they need to sometimes). The post was a 20/20 blurb about what they referred to as "Orgasmic Birth". Several people had re-posted it. I watched it, and it resonated deep inside my body (there's another key component of how I receive as well - the "clairsentinance or clairsentience" - feeling energies both physically and intuitively. Basically if I see something and nothing happens inside, it's either not for me, or not for me right now for whatever reason - maybe I'm not ready, maybe the timing is wrong, whatever. But when it's worth investigating, I feel it through and through.) So this video definitely stirred up something. I didn't repost it because I'm not yet strong enough to fight off the doubt I may have had to fight through - I'll repost it after I birth this way:)

I went and found a documentary called "Orgasmic Birth" on Amazon Prime and rented it. It was amazing. It felt like birth without fear. Birth the way I felt somewhere deep in my primal intuition, that Western docs have manipulated a bit over time. There are some great stats and points in there (by MDs, OBGYNs, midwives, etc, talking about how for 10% of high-risk pregnancies, the approach Western hospitals take is life saving. But that became the standard, and as applied to the normal 90%, it messes with the natural birth process and can be detrimental. You come out with a healthy baby, but the process is much different than it otherwise would have been.)

Anyway I won't go into the whole thing, but in a nutshell, it describes how birth isn't by nature this horrible, intensely painful process to be dreaded and feared, but can be a blissful, peak experience that is (literally) orgasmic in nature. This freaks out some people, but it makes sense to me - like coming full circle (the creation of a baby from seed to son - a similar experience.) And that there's also a fine line between pleasure and pain. The hormones that are released (which are minimized by an epidural) are similar to those released during lovemaking, but when we go in it in fear, expecting the worst - adrenaline is released early, causing us to tighten up and contract - causing pain instead of pleasure. The adrenaline is supposed to release at the end, fueling the urge to push.

There are other pieces to it - the ability to walk around, change position, and soothe the cramps in a waterbirth for example allow an easier environment to naturally alleviate some of the pressure. And being comfortable, with low lighting, music, candles or whatever makes the environment more relaxing - a little nicer than the bright florescent overhead rectangle above.

Once again, I'm not saying Western medicine doesn't have a place - it most definitely does. And I'm not knocking hospital births, epidurals or C-Sections for mothers who feel that is right for them. I'm not recommending home waterbirth for anyone. I'm just feeling this for myself, and something about watching this documentary validated what I already was feeling deep inside.

If you hate this idea and think it's crazy, please do not comment. Like I said, I didn't re-post the video because a lot of the desired experience is going to come from my own expectations. I know to some people this sounds like new-age crap, but it's what I'm doing, and I'm asking for respect to do as I choose. We can debate this after the baby is born - I want my best shot at getting prepared emotionally, physically and mentally as much as possible. I almost didn't write about this, but I trust you guys to keep your mouth shut, even if you think I'm nuts - at least until after the birth in May:)

Anyway (that was kind of a long tangent) all this to say, a clarity came through today. All of this resistance I've been experiencing as applied to the relationship, as well as the act of me actively letting go into it, bit by bit, even through some of my deepest fears - these are the same emotional actions I will be taking to let go into the birth - and allow myself to experience the state of bliss that childbirth can be. This is my pre-training (and important for other obvious reasons) but it's also part of birth preparation - the emotional piece. The physical piece will include getting back to the gym when I return from Peru, as well as back on a serious yoga practice. It's time for me to stop "waiting for May" and start preparing for it. Now I have a goal - like training for the half-marathon last year, having a goal makes all the training for a reason bigger than myself.

Watching all those couples during amazing, blissful births - every single time the baby popped out I laughed and cried. Every time. The baby inside did too. This is going to be so amazing... And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong, life goes on. Shoot for the moon, land in the stars, right? I do a lot of things that people say can't be done. And if a blissful birth is physically possible, you know I'm damn-well gonna give it an honest to God shot:) Why wouldn't I? Either way I'll be more present and prepared. Fear isn't the approach I want to take here, hence all this fear purging I'm doing now. I'm shooting for beautiful, spiritual, bliss on another level. A ceremony for the incoming spirit. Man...wow...:)

Peace:)
Meghan

PS - BabyCenter update for 17 weeks:

Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop.